Secondary infertility is just as emotionally devastating as Infertility. Secondary Infertility happens when couple was able to conceive, carry and birth their first baby but are unable during their next attempt at having another baby. Seemingly helpful comments by loving friends and family penetrate deeply into the hearts of those trying for a second child. Too often they hear “You already have a baby, can’t you just focus on the happiness of that?” or “Some people don’t have any children, at least you have one”.
It’s so difficult to ignore the natural desire to have more children. Often parents have an idea of what their family will look like well before they are even married: two children including one boy, one girl, two golden retrievers and a goldfish. Seriously, this fantasy becomes our vision of our future. Veering off this path even slightly can send some women into years of anxiety and depression.
As friends families grow so does our envy. We try to put it out of our mind, be grateful for what we have but it often haunts our every thought.
What can couples do to cope?
Acupuncture and Mind/Body Techniques can enhance fertility, protect ovarian reserve, increase sperm count and improve In-Vitro Fertilization Results by over 160%. November 27, 2009 – New research has revealed that women who took part in a stress management program prior to, or during their second IVF cycle, had a 160% greater pregnancy rate than those that did not. The groundbreaking study conducted by Harvard University and The Domar Center at Boston IVF was presented at the American Society for Reproductive Medicine’s 65th annual meeting in Atlanta.
The study, designed to educate women on the benefits of cognitive, relaxation and lifestyle techniques to manage stress and improve conception, revealed a 52% pregnancy rate for those who participated in a stress management program, as compared to a 20% pregnancy rate for those that did not. The stress management programs had an even greater impact on pregnancy rates for women who showed higher baseline symptoms of depression.
Therapy- Find a therapist who specializes in infertility issues as they have the most experience with your specific emotional needs and challenges.
Read- One of my favorite books on this exact subject is: The Infertility Cure by Julia Indichova. It’s touching, personal and can really help both women and men sift through the myriad of emotions that are often times overwhelming.
Pray- Prayer is powerful. The key is to pray for healing your heart and bringing you peace. Constantly praying for a baby can often increase anxiety and hopelessness. Even if you have never prayed before just close your hands and eyes and start talking.
Write- Write down your fears on paper and then burn them in the sink. Let them go. Do no allow the thoughts to haunt you daily.
Make Love- When you aren’t ovulating and there is minimal chance of pregnancy, have fun, wild sex just for the sex of it. Intimacy aids depression and helps you feel good. It’s less stressful being intimate when you aren’t fertile so you don’t mix hopeful fertile thoughts with personal and marital satisfaction.
Consider Other Options- Sometimes investigating other options like adoption or surrogacy can solidify your convictions or soften them. Writing about your family and why a lone pregnant woman may want to give her child to you can strengthen the bond you and your husband have with one another.
www.AmericanAcu.com Kristen N. Burris, L.Ac., M.S.T.O.M. is a nationally recognized Acupuncturist and Herbalist who has been featured in Parenting Magazine, Natural Health Magazine, National Public Radio (NPR) and KUSI TV News. Ms. Burris' expertise includes: women’s health, fertility, pregnancy, difficult menstrual cycles, menopausal symptoms, digestive problems, and pain. Ms. Burris has also taught acupuncture to graduate students at Pacific College of Oriental Medicine. She and her husband Tony Burris, L.Ac., M.S.T.O.M treat patients with acupuncture, herbal medicine and nutrition as natural medicine in their family-owned, private practice, American Acupuncture Center in Eagle, Idaho. Ms. Burris has treated patients at Top Fertility Centers Nationwide, San Diego Hospice, University of California in San Diego (UCSD) Integrative Clinic, and for UCSD Dental Study. Ms Burris was the creator of fertility retreats for couples and served on the board of RESOLVE, the non-profit organization supporting couples with infertility.
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